Booty and the Beard

Talks of French Lil’ Jon and whether he looks like John Heder. Ryan
desperately wants to meet French gangstas.
Ryan mistakes an old UFO sighting for a current event, a series of
non-sensical topics unrelated to that comes up.
Ryan considers his days at work as “episodes”.
Ants one day attacked the Hess station where Ryan used to work.
Honey I Shrunk the Kids had the best No Smoking PSA ever.
The coach from Major League died and Stephanie reveals she knows way
to much about Major League. Ryan has never seen Major League and Steffie
is outraged. Steffie has never seen Policy Academy. They are even.
Ryan reveals his knowledge of what the G-Spot was named after.
Ryan has failed in his duty to update the Booty and the Beard
Wikipedia page.
The Boo has a daycare soap opera going on.
Discussion turns towards ninja’s, ghosts and Beetlejuice.
Apparently in the world there exists Beetlejuice fanfiction.
Somehow they get back to the China UFO.
There is apparently an old 80’s cartoon called “The Biskitts”.
It would be really frightening if bears could actually bounce around
like gummies.
Ryan has told Steffie she can have a dog. This quickly escalates to
an argument about how Ryan is not really allergic to dogs.
Steffie brings this up so they can record the terms of having said
dog.
Suspicions are raised about Ryan’s after work activities.
Steffie wants to create a nest for any future children they have.

Steffie reveals her horse fear in more detail.
Steffie has news stories related to body parts.
Paul the Octopus has been retired but had a perfect record. We’ll
miss you Paul the Octopus.
Steffie will be using her hips as an excuse for her absentmindedness.
Briefly a news story about a love puppet is mentioned, but no
information is given to explain.

Pregnancy tests and rabbits are discussed.

A new sex-based enviromentally sustainable energy source is created.
Steffie is briefly distracted by some douchebag recommending the Dane
Cook fanpage to her.
Steffie needs to watch Jersey Shore when it returns. Neither Ryan or
Steffie are sure who Snookie is.
Steffie decides that when she’s pregnant she’ll tell Ryan in code.
Ryan wants codes for all sorts of things.

Ryan has no idea about the Facebook poking feature.
Steffie fucks up hardcore at the end of the show and gives Ad time to
companies that didn’t pay Booty and the Beard.

“Our house is going to be covered in period blood and smegma, its
gonna be awesome.”-Ryan

“Can’t even look at titties without there being horses on them.”
-Steffie

Intro Music: Eclectek-L’Huere Des Mamans Feat David TMX
Leave us a comment or Email Us and let us know what you think!

Subscribe and leave a review in Itunes!

Podcast: Play in new window | Download

Ryan and Steffie are full of energy today due to watching the coke-addled Mark Summers. Steffie heard he was real OCD, which doesn’t really fit with drug abuse.

Of course, this translates to Ryan and Steffie’s earthquake preparedness. Ryan believes he can actually pull the walls apart. Steffie is pissed.

Ryan has just come to the conclusion that Apple is doing well. Only based on the amount of news stories that are related to Apple in the Science/Technology sector of the news. Ryan and Steffie discuss other new technological advances, most of which Steffie doesn’t approve.

Steffie and Ryan talk about the Twilight series and how they cannot begin to fathom the appeal of the series. Ryan thinks the Burger King toys are hilarious but is disappointed that hologram technology hasn’t been improved upon in 20 years for children’s toys.

Ryan believes that Harry Potter is stereotyping British people in that all their British characters have ridiculously silly names.

Ryan thinks that companies need to start putting product placements on the green-screen during weather broadcasts. Also, more storm systems should feature candy to tell the level of severity.

Ryan and Steffie talk about Prince, Dave Chappelle’s lock-picking skills, Lindsey Lohan, and much more!

“I feel like there’s going to be a lot of dildos flying around.”-Ryan

“I’m glad that you feel comfortable shitting in front of me in a major emergency.”-Steffie

Leave us a comment or Email Us and let us know what you think!

Subscribe and leave a review in Itunes!

Podcast: Play in new window | Download

Ryan and Steffie are live from the Pride48 48 hour event. Someone is going to win a $25.00 gift card to a place of their choosing. To commemorate the event, Ryan and Steffie seal the deal before the show.

Ryan starts off the show by giving Steffie a random headline. Steffie takes her usual logical approach to the situation but supplies a random headline of her own. Hers is far better and related to the current World Cup.

We talk about World Cup and also go on to explain ourselves to the new listeners that are tuning in for Pride48’s podcast-a-thon. We talk about past times with Ricky of Foul Monkeys and how he may have recorded us having sex in his parking lot.

Ryan and Steffie talk about celebrity heartthrobs; Ryan doens’t understand the appeal of John Cussack but Steffie approves. And we learn about Steffie’s secret childhood crush on Gina Davis.

Congratulations to GNF_Christina who won the giftcard giveaway! Be aware that during the episode, we are occasionally talking to people in the chatroom, not that we’ve recently developed schizophrenia!

Thanks so much to Pride48.com for letting us pop our live show cherry. Check out all the amazing programming on the site and donate to help support! Go to Pride48.com and click Donate!

“No, it doesn’t sound like there’s bees in your vagina.”-Ryan

“I think we should make a dildo and call it a VuvuZilla.”-Steffie

Leave us a comment or Email Us and let us

know what you think!

Subscribe and leave a review in Itunes!

Podcast: Play in new window | Download

Ryan intro’s episode 17 all sexy like.

The intro song makes Steffie and Ryan think of a sitcom montage. Ryan
immediately turns it into a porn.

Ryan and Steffie discuss some of their future marriage plans,
specifically the issue of what last name to use.

They talk about the symptoms of stroke and how it relates to the
Creole language. Steffie is fluent in Creole.

Steffie wants to name her Haiti baby “Remy”.

Ryan thinks Voldemort is some kind of Muggle Santa Clause.

Steffie names all the reasons the house has been super nerdy as of
late. She then talks about comic books for awhile.

They talk briefly about E3, and how the PS3 is not a system they will
probably ever own.

Ryan breaks the news about the coming hurricane “Blas” (WTF?).

Steffie calls Ryan out about being a pussy and then lists his
sensitive areas, which are most of his areas.

They then determine the source of Ryan’s power is in his toenails.

Ryan wants to become a wrestler and comes up with an appropriate
wrestling name. He then comes up with his own line of cereal.

Steffie doesn’t understand female viagra. Ryan drinks spanish fly at
work sometimes. Steffie has never wanted to masturbate at work.

Ryan has a theory for the reason the neighbor saws things at 10
o’clock at night.

Somewhere in Canada a tiger and 2 camels are getting into some shit.
Ryan thinks camels are stoic and animals of few words.

Steffie can’t wait until the Boo starts cursing at Ryan and acting
disrespectful. They sometimes force the Boo to do hilarious things.

Ryan and Steffie discuss happy slapping gangs and what that means. They decide they want to form their own.

German’s are fucking weird no matter what media outlet they are on.

Steffie is not down with wizards in the form of biker gangs or
as a genre genre of rock music.

Join us live June 26th from 11 p.m. to Midnight on Pride48.com for your chance to earn a $25 gift card of your choice! Come hang out with us for our first live show and check out all the other great shows at the event

“Check out my flagellas baby”-Ryan

“I love to slam down a nice frothy cock in the evening”-Steffie

Satellite-Major Major

Leave us a comment or Email Us and let us

know what you think!

Subscribe and leave a review in Itunes!

Podcast: Play in new window | Download

Ryan and Steffie are late recording the show but baby-free this weekend! Ryan thinks he has arthritis and Steffie turns into a crazed claw monster. Steffie talks about how homo-erotic MMA fighting is and Ryan tells us about an MMA fighter that starts his bouts with a sweet kiss. Ryan and Steffie learn that if people see something on the internet about rape, they will download it. Of course, with any conversation about rape, Ryan and Steffie start talking about monkeys and how they are similar to children.

Steffie and Ryan discuss fast food edicate and food fights that end in assault. Steffie tells an epic story about an erroneous burger. Steffie then threatens Ryan with food-based assault.

We learn that Ryan doesn’t understand anatomy or where milk comes from. Ryan also thinks that goat cheese is turns you into sort of magic hippie version of Mr. Hyde. Steffie talks about the diva cup. Ryan is disgusted.

Ryan believes that ladies are the cause of all deaths. He has, of course, no evidence to support
this theory but apparently believes that if there were no ladies, that men would be immortal.
Ryan has the random headline for the day and we quickly learn why random headlines don’t work the
other way around. Ryan and Steffie talk about Stretch Armstrong adventures times from when they
were children.

They talk about Gary Coleman again and Steffie does some speculating. Especially about Jewish guys that live in her head with a bunch of other common stereotypes. Ryan and Steffie do what they can to
nip Racism in the bud.

Ryan tells us about his very crazy weekend romp in Africa. Steffie has a scare with the fine folks who
work for the Blood Mobile. Ryan degrades historical monuments, Steffie wants to blow them up, and much, much more!!!

“No, Rape Ape nooooO!!!”-Ryan

“Me and the monkey shot up heroine and then we fucked.”Steffie

Mustard Lovers-Cherry

Leave us a comment or Email Us and let us

know what you think!

Subscribe and leave a review in Itunes!

Podcast: Play in new window | Download

Ryan and Steffie reminisce on the duration of the show. Ryan decides that this show will be the season finale, not realizing that episode 15 of a weekly show hold no significance whatsoever. Ryan brings up the giant hole that recently opened up in Guatemala, which somehow leads to him building things with his poop.

Ryan also reveals he knows next to nothing about the personal computer, when he explores the Control Panel, and more specifically, the People Near Me function. Ryan and Steffie believe that the Dell guy and the Mac guy should be placed into whimsical music videos together.

We discuss the intricacies of Steffie’s brain and her secret gnome creature that lives in her head-library. Ryan has robot arms which he believes to be superior than the gnome, Surly. Steffie retaliates by naming Ryan’s robot arms but he declares that they are only made cuter by giving them a name.

Ryan and Steffie brings up the Teddy Bear picnic to be held at the toddler’s school. They somehow turn it into a Buffy the Vampire Slayer spin-off in which the teachers are enacting an ancient, demonic ritual. We talk about the cycles of the moon and how they effect our business-based desk jobs and the Teddy Bear picnic, which takes place during the day.

Steffie and Ryan revisit their random headline segment with an interesting story about river bones and pig stabbings. During which, they become crazy, yet ineffectual detectives. Giggling ensues for a prolonged period of time. We also find out that people in Finland are very serious about their Habbo Hotels.

Steffie breaks off all contact with Japan and enters into a serious embargo until they meet her demands: that she be allowed to have an app for her iPhone that lets her take care of a Tamagotchi.

We talk about Jooze again, ice shows, canning parties, and much more!

“I’m telling the truth, we don’t know David Caruso!”-Ryan

“I don’t think it’s right for you to have an American Flag cape and not have

a huge, bulging crotch.”-Steffie

Nacho Lovers – Acid Life

Leave us a comment or Email Us and let us

know what you think!

Subscribe and leave a review in Itunes!

Podcast: Play in new window | Download

Ryan and Steffie come back from their trip a very rural place for a wedding. They discuss the country town from their “big city” perspective. Farms turned into Zombie Farms and they discuss the toddler’s knowledge of food production and child-based marketing.

The conversation shifts to entertaining kids’ shows but an unfortunate mistake turns Ryan and Steffie into cyborgs. They talk about Data from Star Trek and his less famous cousin, Beta.

They discuss Pacman’s 30th anniversary and the effect of the Pacman Google entry on the economy. Ryan somehow finds a way to blame Obama and then does the wrong impression. Speaking of blaming Obama, Steffie and Ryan discuss the oil slowly filling up the Gulf of Mexico and its relation to the Pirates of Dark Water.

Ryan has a hard-on for Shia Lebeouf this episode and discusses several movies he’s in and how he mixes them in his mind. Steffie and Ryan discuss the unfortunately named Teabaggers. Ryan and Steffie vow to use whatever name they choose for themselves next to make a new sexual act so they will continue to live in shame.

Ryan and Steffie have their first ever “segment” which is yet to be named. Steffie gives Ryan the headline and Ryan has to fill in the details. Peter the Moose is the star and a die-hard, sap-slinging, crime-lord. He may or may not be controlled by either Transformers or the Eagle Eye chick.

Steffie’s fear of horses is brought to the table which leads to conversations about Tyra Bank’s fear of dolphins and dolphins in general. Steffie understands the fear and Ryan thinks they shouldn’t neglect our aquatic allies. They bring up dolphin-related crimes. Ryan believes rape is extremely common among animals.

“I’m tired of being drill-pressed by these taxes!”-Ryan

“Dudley Do Right was fucked up!”-Steffie

Intro Song: N.D. Monroe – Traffic Jam Dreams

Leave us a comment or Email Us and let us

know what you think!

Subscribe and leave a review in Itunes!

Podcast: Play in new window | Download

Ryan and Steffie are celebrating the 13th episode and discuss the implications of the number thirteen as it relates to being unlucky or lucky. They discuss a few religions that place value on the number as well as Wicca and Bewitched.

Ryan explains how to find the treasure of FDR by using clues in the Bewitched DVD deleted scenes. Ryan believes that FDR was secretly trying to release a plague of polio upon mankind. Steffie wants to trick guests into thinking she has a jar of polio in the kitchen and we learn that Steffie has no concept of presidents in the past.

Topics of death and the deceased inevitably lead to discussions of commemorative plates. They talk more about other made-for-TV products and vaccuums.

Steffie and Ryan discuss the addition of smell to the internet and we learn about Ryan’s hatred of Axe bodyspray.

Steffie announces that we are now opening up the show to family and friends and they should be pre-warned of immature and offensive topics and Steffie does her first edit to the show.

Ryan and Steffie discuss retardation and their love. Ryan misinterprets a news story about a dart gun which steers the conversation back towards rape. Steffie wants to blowdart Johnny Depp and shuffle off with him into the bushes.

They discuss robot marriages, Dio, and Ryan’s domestic abuse at Publix. Ryan feels as if the sun gives him strength and his pet mouse. Ryan also unleashes his new fragrance, Chainsaw, unto to the world.

Tom Hanks’ weird head, their giant friend Derrick, tiny Spaniards and much, much more!

“Office supplies are my only friends”-Ryan

“My mom is aware of my fucking Alex Baldwin for the cure”-Steffie

Intro Song: Felix Cartal-MSTRKRFT-Bounce feat N.O.R.E

Leave us a comment or Email Us and let us

know what you think!

Subscribe and leave a review in Itunes!

Podcast: Play in new window | Download

Ryan starts the conversation with his belief that reading is for suckers. Ryan doesn’t think reading is even spelled correctly. He also breaks the news that reading is lame. He complains about Bush and his wife trying to shove reading down America’s throat. Steffie thinks George Bush is an alright guy. Ryan would hang out with him but doesn’t think he’s a good person.

Ryan talks about First Ladies and what failures they all are. Steffie believes that for some reason, someone will offer her millions of dollars to be quiet about health care and Ryan reveals that he has no grasp on the population of America. Steffie gives the populations of different places which is inevitably very, very boring. No discussion about population would be complete without talking about India.

Steffie explains to Ryan what audiophiles are all about and Ryan, of course, thinks they are lame. Ryan randomly goes off on a tangent about people taking objects to space. He loves the term Cosmonaut, despite them being a bunch of commies. Steffie doesn’t know how to say Astronaut, so Ryan schools her in both of those words’ pronounciation.

Steffie and Ryan discuss the upcoming 3D issue of Playboy. Ryan inevitably disgusts Steffie with what he believes the magazine will do. Ryan explains how many internet sociologists are running around. Steffie uses porn to find new tricks. They begin discussing lube and how it relates to the movie Signs. They try to pronounce similar words for like five minutes, likely due to their collective ADHD. For some reason, Ryan believes that all the lube in the house will save them from aliens or zombies. Not even five minutes goes by and they are distracted by something happening in the room.

Ryan and Steffie talk about the folks inspecting their apartment. Ryan is worried that they are using the adult products that Steffie left out on a previous inspection day.

They discuss baby names which somehow leads to discussing Mo Rocca and all the old Nickelodeon game shows. Ryan and Steffie discuss the various events and segments of these old games shows with their own ideas about what these games should have been to be more entertaining.

The topic moves towards medical marijuana dispencaries getting firebombed and Steffie being accused of being a customer’s mistress. Steffie tries to convince her otherwise, but to no avail.

The conversation steers back towards GUTS and Legends of the Hidden Temple with talk of glamorous prizes of trips to the Phosphate Hills of Fort Meyers as well as free Starkist Tuna!

“No, No, No, you don’t shoot AT the Baby, you shoot NEAR the Baby”-Ryan

“I just want you to continue with the story, we were talking about female ejaculate and zombies with lube”-Steffie

Intro Song: Amanda Blank-Might Like You Better

Leave us a comment or Email Us and let us

know what you think!

Subscribe and leave a review in Itunes!

Podcast: Play in new window | Download

Ryan & Steffie’s Zombie Farms have fallen by the wayside. The conversation moves towards
locusts. Ryan reiterates his belief that insects and crustaceans are aliens. They start
talking about Joe Rogan which invariably leads to drug use. Ryan talks about the mildness
of their love-making.

It comes to light that Steffie has never seen Different Strokes or even heard the theme
song. We talk about the lack of Aladdin’s nose as well as the Smile Train: an organization
that you can donate money to for children born with cleft palates. We expound more on cleft
palates which turns the conversation towards oral sex.

The main topic of the day seems to be men with two genitalia.

We start talking about roast beef but probably not the kind you’re thinking about now,
along with mustard, relish, kraut, and the Germans. Ryan and Steffie discuss spending more
time together and weigh the pros and cons of increased interaction time.

Warning:The show gets a lot nerdier when Ryan starts talking about the past, present, and future
of his video game playing time. Steffie tells us about her time as a Cuban dictator. We
also find out that Ryan & Steffie are not really sure what their smoke detector sounds
like, despite it going off every time they open the oven. Apparently Ryan and Steffie are
not being cool about fire safety.

We discuss the BP oil spill and its “harsh” effects on Steffie’s parents. Ryan is pretty
sure Dawn is dunking animals in oil and subsequently cleaning them off for photo ops. Ryan
and Steffie discuss how animals in Dreamworks and Disney films have much cuter birth
defects than those in real life.

As it often does, the topic drifts towards hobos. Steffie and Ryan want to do many fun
things with them from catching them in shoddy traps to giving them fake Nobel Peace
Prizes. Steffie gives out some advice to the homeless which will likely fall on deaf ears
since this is a podcast.

As per usual, hilarity ensues.

“I don’t know if you have ghost balls.”-Steffie

Ryan:”I mean, I’ve got a ghost dick, what do I know about normal genitalia?”-Ryan

Intro Song: Eclectek-Bonzai!

Leave us a comment or Email Us and let us

know what you think!

Subscribe and leave a review in Itunes!

Podcast: Play in new window | Download